I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
