IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
