it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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