capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
