So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
