I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
