he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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