my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
