Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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