o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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