Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
