my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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