From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
