Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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