I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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