i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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