I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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