So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
