I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
