just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
