he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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