I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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