omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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