you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
