i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
