This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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