I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
