I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
