im drinking this country out of the recession.
farters have to be the big spoon...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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