Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
