I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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