i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
