Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
