Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
