so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
