just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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