Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
