Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
