you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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