It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
