why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
