neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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