I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
