if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am one with the molecules
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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