every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
