Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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