fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
