I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
