the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
