More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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