tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
