can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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