Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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