before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
