this beer tastes like vomit already
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
