Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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