how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
